Decisions

A year ago today, I made the decision to transfer from BSc (Hons) Psychology, to BSc (Hons) Television and Video Production. For those of you have seen my tweets since September will know that didn’t quite happen. Some people are lucky in that they make the right choice first time around (although, I do no currently know anyone who can attest to that). Others, like me, well we go through phases of trying out something in the hopes that something will ‘fit’.

Ever since I was a little girl (okay, technically, I’m hardly any taller, but shh) I’ve always wanted to know everything. Because of this thirst for knowledge, I never really settled into a specific field. By the time I started high school, people there knew what they wanted to be, and some of them have carried on with those desires and are either already in that career, or studying in that specific field in university. Me? Not so much. Throughout early high school, I was convinced I was going to be a forensic linguist. And why not? I was top of the class in all languages, maths, English, all the sciences. Its true what some people say “the more you know, the more you want to know” – citation needed. I could have gone to do anything I wanted. Teachers were encouraging me (at the age of 14) to start looking at the traditional red-brick universities. Back then, that’s what I wanted.

At this point, it is all too easy to blame the education system for what happened then. GCSE choices. I was offered a place on a new science course at my school, me and five others. Six students was the minimum they could have to run the course. One of those girls transferred school, after the deadlines for the GCSE choices. My second choice in that particular column (we had 5 columns, and about 10 subjects in each column to choose) was Spanish. By this point, the Spanish class was full, so I got stuck with the only other class that space then; Design Technology. This was a massive set back to plans at that point.

After that disappointment, I began to lose faith in school, my grades began to drop; apart from in Welsh, French and Sociology. I walked away from my GCSEs with 3 A’s and 5 B’s. I failed Design Technology.

Next came the AS/A Level choices. This time there were only four columns to choose from. Sociology and Welsh only appeared in one column each; the same column. There was no way I could choose between my two favourite subjects. Luckily, as all the teachers were aware of what I was capable of, I was allowed to take Welsh, French, Psychology, and study Sociology in my spare time, and still sit the exams. Alongside this, I also enrolled at night classes to do GCSE Spanish. And learning to drive. I barely had time for breathing, let alone anything recreational, like reading, cinema, video games.

I walked away from my AS year with A in Welsh, B in French, C in Psychology , D in Sociology and B in GCSE Spanish.

In my final year in school, I continued Welsh, French and Psychology, and enrolled in AS Spanish, again at night classes. Most 6th Forms/Colleges will highly advise against doing anything more than 3 A2s. I was told on numerous occasions that I could not do this. And I couldn’t. AS Level Spanish was the first thing that I’ve ever given up on. I was disappointed to say the least, mostly in myself. I was also disappointed at the people who said I could do it. In them encouraging me so much, and then me failing, I felt like I’d let down everyone. And as most of you will agree, feeling like that is one of the worst feelings.

Now, I’d been accepted into University of Southampton to study Modern Foreign Languages (A triple honours course in French, Spanish and Italian). It would have been a dream come true. However, one of the conditions of entry was I had to obtain a B in AS Spanish. The admissions team didn’t believe me when I informed them that I was no longer studying that subject. As a result, I ended up accepting an offer from Southampton Solent University to Psychology.

This meant I got to go to the same university as my boyfriend (at the time), living in the same part of the city. This all seemed like fun, until we broke up a month before the start of university. I spent so much time worrying that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. There was no going back now, I was effectively stuck with this decision.

I pretty much buried my head in the sand, and just got on with the first of university. However, I missed out on a lot of the social aspects as I am not really one for going out clubbing every night. As a result of this, I missed out on making friends. This was a huge factor in the decision to change course, that and I felt that Psychology was not the way forward for me.

As I said previously, I wanted to transfer to TV and Video Production. According to the admissions tutor at the time, I couldn’t. So I looked into other courses the university had to offer. I decided on BSc (Hons) Computing.

For once, the transfer process went smoothly. The first day of Fresher’s Week was not what I was expecting, and just on a whim I asked if I could look into changing to BSc (Hons) Computer Games Development. I was fully expecting to be told ‘no’. The following morning, however, I was asked to go see the Course Leader for CGD. And the form was already sitting there, waiting for me to sign it.

I have finally found something that ‘fits’. I feel like I belong here. This academic year has been both challenging and rewarding, I have made friends with some of the best people ever, and my entire world has been opened back up.

If it wasn’t for all these different obstacles in my way, I would not be here, creating Celestial Apotheosis. I most certainly would not have met/spoken to any of the people I have been within the last few months. On the most basic level of emotions, I am happy.

(I know this post has vaguely nothing to do with Celestial Apotheosis, however, as it is regarding my education, I have decided to post it here, instead of on my personal blog.)

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