26 What Now?!

Some people make a big deal about turning 25. I didn’t. However, turning 26, I dunno, it feels like everything that’s happened over the last 12 months needs to be written down somewhere. Why? I’m not entirely sure. Maybe because now, at the age of 26, my dad has been gone for over half my life. Which is a weird sentence to type out. But true nonetheless.

So what has happened since I turned 25?

  • I finally went to the US! Work trip to San Diego to speak at a conference!
  • Headhunted by two amazing organisations because basically my skills are hella!
  • I didn’t move! Seriously, this is the biggest one!
  • I owned a hamster… for four days!
  • I started playing EVE, and because of this have met some awesome people!
  • Co-organised the TV and Film content for Nine Worlds!
  • Discovered a love for gin!
  • Discovered a love for sushi!
  • Reconnected with an awesome uni friend!
  • Made some awesome new friends!
  • Went on some hilariously bad dates!
  • Played the best Assassin’s Creed game to date!
  • Played more games of Resistance than I could ever count!
  • I bought a bike!
  • Learnt to be relatively happy when alone

What do I hope to achieve before turning 27?

  • Another trip to the US!
  • Go to Iceland!
  • Stop being headhunted, seriously my ego can only get so big!
  • Not to move again!
  • Watch more movies!
  • Keep a track of the hilariously bad dates for a book!
  • Keep up with the cycling/kickboxing/general going to the gym-ness!
  • Do Nine Worlds all over again (if they’ll have me back)!
  • Play more Resistance! (And think about being a less troll-ish good reverser!)

Of course, more things than I could possibly list here happened to me during the age of 25, not all of them good (did I mention I was completely ghosted by someone I thought was super nice, causing a friend to talk me into changing their name as ‘Smeg Whistle’ in my phone?). I just hope that the year of being 26 brings as many adventures as 25 did.

Now, in honour of my birthday, go hug a cat, or a dog. Or anything fluffy. And tweet me pics of fluffy things!



Oscar Nominations 2016

Each year I’ve owned a Cineworld Unlimited Card, I’ve attempted to watch every Oscar nominated film between the nominations announcement and the awards ceremony. Each year I have failed. That’s six years of failing to watch films.

This year, that changed.

After looking over the nominations list, I knew that if I tried to watch every nominated film, I’d fail. There are just some films that are not legally available in the UK until after the awards ceremony. So, I restricted myself to the following categories:

– Best Picture
– Actor In A Leading Role
– Actress In A Leading Role
– Actor In A Supporting Role
– Actress In A Supporting Role
– Cinematography
– Editing

This year I had fun with it. Watching films for the sake of a silly self-challenge no longer became a chore. Last night, February 10th, 18 days before the award ceremony, I completed my challenge.

Naturally, I’ve kept track of the films and my own scoring for them in a lovely little Google Sheet which I updated instantly upon leaving the cinema after each film. Just a quick explanation on my scoring; I scored each nomination for their category, out of ten. For example, when scoring The Big Short for Editing, I judged it differently to when I scored it for Best Picture. Make sense? Good.

Best Picture (In alphabetical order)

The Big Short – 5
Bridge of Spies – 7
Brooklyn – 8
Mad Max: Fury Road – 9
The Martian – 9
The Revenant – 9
Room – 8
Spotlight – 9

Actor In A Leading Role (In alphabetical order)

Bryan Cranston, Trumbo – 6
Matt Damon, The Martian – 9
Leonardo Di Caprio, The Revenant – 9
Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs – 8
Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl – 6

Actress In A Leading Role (In alphabetical order)

Cate Blanchett, Carol – 6
Brie Larson, Room – 9
Jennifer Lawrence, Joy – 9
Charlotte Rampling, 45 Years – 4
Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn – 8

Actor In A Supporting Role (In alphabetical order)

Christian Bale, The Big Short – 6
Tom Hardy, The Revenant – 2
Mark Ruffalo, Spotlight – 9
Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies – 7
Sylvester Stallone, Creed – 4

Actress In A Supporting Role (In alphabetical order)

Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight – 8
Rooney Mara, Carol – 9
Rachel McAdams, Spotlight – 9
Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl – 10
Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs – 7

Cinematography (In alphabetical order)

Carol – 7
The Hateful Eight – 9
Mad Max: Fury Road – 9
The Revenant – 9
Sicario – 9

Editing (In alphabetical order)

The Big Short – 8
Mad Max: The Fury Road – 9
The Revenant – 9
Spotlight – 8
Star Wars: The Force Awakens – 7

If we were to go by the average score for each film, then The Revenant would not hold much hope of winning big on awards night with 7.6, films such as Brooklyn, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Martian, Room, Spotlight, The Danish Girl, Joy, The Hateful Eight and Sicario all scoring 8+ would be high contenders to win big. But, if it weren’t for Tom Hardy’s abysmal performance in The Revenant, I’d happily bet on this film being the star of the Oscars 2016.

I’ll be tuning into the awards ceremony live on Sunday 28th February 2016 and live-tweeting my thoughts and reactions to the winners and losers of the night.

2015: A Round-Up

I started 2015 in the living room of a complete stranger’s house, whose name I can no longer recall, surrounded by other complete strangers having been dragged there by the guy I accidentally ended up in a three month relationship with after hooking up at the Christmas party a few weeks earlier. Thankfully, that was not a sign of how the rest of the year would go.

The first few months of the year went by without anything of note happening, nothing good, nothing bad. Things just were. Game of Thrones season 5 came and went. The beginning of May saw the UK’s general election come to a devastating result, on the same day that a bunch of my co-workers and I were told that we most probably no longer had jobs at a game studio in Oxford where I then worked. Spoilers: we no longer had jobs there.

I suppose that’s where 2015 really started happening for me. Of course, the initial reactions that day were along the lines of ‘…fuck.’ After a few hours of swearing, crying, drinking, I declared ‘fuck it. I’m moving back to Manchester’. And so I did.

The latter half of this year has been an utter rollercoaster, moving back to Manchester, working in the best job I’ve had thus far in my life, frequently visiting Oxford again. When I moved back to Manchester, I decided that it was time to finally have my own place. After six years of flat-sharing, house-sharing, and everything else-sharing (not to forget the sharing of a property with a rat!), I have my own flat. Living alone is something I never envisioned for myself, most certainly not before the age of 30. But here I am, at 25, sitting in my own living room, enjoying the silence… And the rain pattering against the window because, of course, this is Manchester.

2015 has also been the year that I’ve forayed into online dating. The less said about that, the better. But I do now have a plethora of bad date stories that perhaps one day could be the base material for many jokes.

The last twelve months have seen me speak at five major events; Indie Games Collective back in March, VideoBrains in June, Nine Worlds in August, European Women In Games Conference and Eurogamer Expo back in September.

With the beginning of each year, I say “Oh, this year I’m going to keep a list of all the films, games and books I consume over the year.” Each year that plan falls through by about the second week. 2015 was no exception. However, 2015 has been an excellent year for entertainment. Mad Max, Inside Out, Star Wars are just a handful of films that come to mind. As for games, it will shock no-one that Assassin’s Creed Syndicate is my game of the year. But this time around, there is a very very close runner up; Life is Strange.

I have read many books this year, but only one published in 2015; Shadows of Self by Brandon Sanderson. In moving to Manchester, I became acutely aware that the vast majority of books I currently own are ones that I have not read. So, my only promise for 2016 is that I shall buy no new books until I have read all the ones I currently own. “But Hannah, isn’t there a sequel to Shadows of Self out in January?” you may ask. This is true. Bands of Mourning is indeed released during the second week of January. I’ve allowed myself one little loophole in my promise – anything I preorder by Dec 31st is allowed.

I do not know what 2016 will have in store for me, except a trip to San Diego in March to speak at the 31st Annual International Technology and Persons with Disabilities Conference. But I am excited to find out.

Happy New Year!🙂

PS – I’m available to talk about accessibility, tutorials design, QA and women in games issues at any event throughout 2016. Get in touch!

If you could change the past, would you?

This post contains hella spoilers for Life is Strange episode 3.


As many of you know, I lost my dad when I was 12. For years, I wondered if there anything I could’ve done to prevent it; rationally, I know there wasn’t. But, rational thinking has never been my strongest suit.

Life is Strange is an episodic game from Dontnod, focussing on an 18 year old girl, Max Caulfield who has just discovered that she can rewind time. Recently moving back to her hometown, she’s back in contact with her childhood best friend, Chloe. Chloe is a sassy, street-smart enigma; with blue hair, tattoos, piercings and a deep longing for the past to be changed. She, like most people, has a dark side, after losing her father at the age of 13, she harbours a hatred of the world and those around her.

I can see parts of myself reflected in both Max and Chloe, some physical; the blue hair, tattoos and piercings of Chloe, the passion for the beauty in surroundings of Max, the yearning for the past to stay in the present from the pair of them.


Episode 3, like the previous two episodes is nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster; Chloe teasing Max to be more spontaneous, causing Max to kiss Chloe; a deep issue I am currently struggling with in my day-to-day real life. Not kissing video game characters, of course, but being more spontaneous and open about who I am, what I want from life. That, to me, is where some of the more important lessons we can takeaway from video games comes from – finding parts of ourselves buried within characters we either control or interact with, seeing how they react, modelling potential branches of our lives onto these characters, these situations.

However, that is far from the most harrowing experience this episode has to offer. Whilst episode 2 shows a friend of Max’s, Kate, committing suicide, which is entirely preventable in-game, episode 3 shows Max encountering a flashback to the day Chloe’s father dies. It was then a game presented me with a series of events that I had been longing to conduct thousands of times over the last 13 years of my life. To do something, anything to change the future, to prevent my dad from dying that day.

After the game makes it apparent that you can prevent this tragedy from happening, after teasing you with glimpses of a happy, care-free future, one in which you and your friend’s loved ones are all alive, I paused the game. I wondered if I could continue. Could I allow a virtual version of myself to do what I could never do? What I would never be able to do? Could that care-free, happy future exist?

I hit ‘resume’.

I saved Chloe’s dad.

I ran to Chloe’s house. I knocked.

Chloe’s dad answered the door. I smiled. A sad smile, even if I couldn’t have this happy future, Max and Chloe could.

Chloe came to the door. She was no longer the same Chloe I thought I was trying to save. This new-future version of Chloe had blonde hair, no tattoos, no piercings; she was in a wheelchair. She smiled at Max.

Did I change the future for the better?

NaNoWriMo 2015 Chapter 1 – Planning!

2014 was my first attempt at NaNoWriMo. I failed in the most spectacular of fashions. Just shy of 16k words. Out of a minimum 50k. Not even halfway. For someone who only decided on Oct 31st that they’d give it a go, I’m not ashamed. In fact, I’m bloody impressed.

Of course, I could run through the ‘excuses’, I’d just moved to Oxford, I’d just started a new job, I’d just come back from GameCity, blah blah blah. Excuses mean nothing. I’m still impressed.

The 15k words I wrote are probably garbage. I can’t even bring myself to go back and read what I wrote, but here’s a link – I can’t even remember what my overarching plot was meant to be.

I started 2015 with an awesome writing plan – a short story a day! Aiming for around 500 words, using Story Cubes, what could go wrong? Turns out, everything can go wrong. You go out one evening after work and are too tired to write that day’s story, boom, behind schedule. You’re sick for three days, can’t even look at a screen and spend a few days recovering? Boom, behind schedule. You start trying to improve your fitness and get a rigid gym schedule going? Boom, behind schedule. You get the picture.

I’m a little sad that I won’t be in Oxford for this year’s NaNoWriMo as the architecture and history of the city made for some great inspiration. However, I’ll be partaking from Manchester. The city where I’ve never felt so creative, so motivated. Maybe that’ll help me. Maybe my plan will help me.

I don’t have a plan yet, per se. But read this as a pledge. A pledge that over the months between now and Oct 31st, I shall conjure up a plan, a plot, maybe even some fully fleshed out characters ready to bring them to life on Nov 1.

VideoBrains June – Can Developers Ever Be Objective Consumers?

First post in a long while, but here is the transcript of a talk I gave today (June 20th) at VideoBrains in Loading Bar, London. I was due to give this talk back in January, but due to a number of reasons (namely crippling social anxiety), this got pushed back to June. Whilst this talk had been prepared for the previous slot of January, it got rewritten and has evolved over time and is mostly two talks – one based on the industry in general and one based on my own experiences – gelled together.

Hi, I’m Hannah and I normally do talks based about facts, figures and data all about accessibility, so please bear with me during my first ever talk about my opinion on something.

I do feel that I need to add a bit of a disclaimer of when I use the term ‘developers’ I mean anyone and everyone involved in the creation of games; designers, QA, artists, programmers… the list could go on.

So let’s get to it…


Assassin’s Creed Unity’s release was a joke. For those of you who have spoken to me for more than five minutes will know that I’m the biggest defender of Assassin’s Creed, but, Unity was an embarrassment. However, our reactions to it, as developers were no less embarrassing. Sure, Ubisoft could have handled the whole ‘no playable female characters’ scandal more appropriately, but in turn, we could have been far more forgiving in light of the bugs and issues upon release.


I am not defending the issues and bugs at all. As a QA engineer, I don’t think my job description would allow me to do that! Day One patches are an evil upon the industry. I don’t know exactly how they became to be the norm, but they are. And we’re the biggest critics. Non-developer consumers of video games may just grumble once or twice about them, but just about every time there’s a major AAA  release with a day one patch, we all (and yes, even I’ve done this once or twice) taken to Twitter, Reddit and everywhere else to bemoan the slight inconvenience getting between us and the game.


A common occurrence in this situation or when games release with bugs (no matter the severity), is the phrase “did this game even go through QA?!” I’ll let you in on a secret – of course it went through QA. If it didn’t, the game wouldn’t even run. The game wouldn’t even exist in a playable form. Maybe I’m preaching to the choir here, but the attitudes towards QA are disgusting, and from time to time, developers have made me feel ashamed to “only” be in QA.

I like to play games for the narrative, for the gameplay. For context, here’s a short explanation of how and why I got into games;


I do not remember the first time I played Spyro The Dragon. I do remember the years it has stayed with me. I couldn’t have been more than eight years old. My dad probably bought the game for me, he was always the one to buy games for me.

For years, the lovely, charming young purple dragon stayed close in my heart. He still does to this day. Being from Wales, I have never been surprised by my feeling of kinship towards the dragon. What has surprised me in recent years is how much this game shaped my future without me realising.

Eight-year old me wanted to be a forensic scientist. Over the passing sixteen years, the career path of choice has flirted with translator, linguist, psychologist. I have ended up in games, specialising in QA and usability.

Spyro The Dragon provides a bright, vibrant universe in which to run, glide, headbutt and breathe fire. Much like many 3D platfomers from the nineties, Spyro The Dragon contains many hub worlds, each filled the brim with different levels, bursting at the seams with a huge range of themes and environments. My favourite of which resides in the first hub world, The Artisan World. The level in question is Stone Hill, the home to farming dragons, bouncing lambs and rams roaming free throughout the level.

In a way, this level symbolises where I come from; one side of my family hails from the bounding hills and valleys of South Wales, the other from all over the country, mostly small coastal towns. Stone Hill contains both of these landscapes; gems hidden among trees, dotted across the hills; treasure chests tucked away on a small beach at the very edge of the level.

Stone Hill contains something more precious than memories of my homeland, Stone Hill is the place I first encountered the concept of digital finity. To those of you perhaps not familiar with the mechanics of Spyro The Dragon, Stone Hill introduces the gliding mechanic, forcing the player to use it in order to complete the level.  The aforementioned hills create a circular track above the level, making the player use the newly learned gliding move to get there. This track is home to a blue-wearing egg thief, but that pesky creature is not what this is about. This creature is merely a vessel to move this forward, the initial reason I explored those hills.

Stone Hill provided the first limitation on my digital imagination. Many hours were spent walking into, headbutting, flaming the invisible force-field that acts as the world boundary around the upper track of Stone Hill. Even to this day, I load up Spyro The Dragon at least once a year to try and break it. I need to break it. Standing with my nose pressed up against the glass, I can see the outside world. I need to break through. The glass must shatter.

Perhaps this need to break through the boundaries is what has inadvertently led me to a career in QA. The trope of “you must spend your days running into walls over and over again to see if you can break through” is one that always comes up when I reveal I am a QA tester. Whilst that could not be further from the truth of my day-to-day work, there indeed have been games I have worked on in which I had to exactly that.

This egg thief and little purple dragon are the sole reasons I got into games, and the sole reason I gave up on games for ten years. After studying psychology at university, I realised I wanted to go back to games, to create them. So I had to play them.
Screen Shot 2015-06-19 at 10.27.21

I can’t think of a time where I’ve thought “I’m going to drop money on a game and judge people’s programming skills”. But I do find myself noticing the slightest of issues, issues so small and insignificant that I wouldn’t even spend more than a minute logging the issue into Jira. But five plus years of being in the industry and being involved with the creation of games has clearly wormed its way into my head.

We’re clearly not objective about our consumption of video games, and a large percentage of job adverts for games jobs even specify “a passion for games” as a requirement for the job. Of the four games companies I have previously worked at, I have not met a single employee who wouldn’t call themselves a ‘gamer’, including non-development staff. I have often wondered if this means a HR department will pass over on a say, a programmer who doesn’t enjoy games, but loves the technology and hire a self-identified ‘gamer’ instead.

I’d be interested to find out if the film industry is as vicious as we can be. I wonder if writers spend their time questioning another writer’s use of grammar, or lexicon. Take these Stephen King quotes (both taken from ‘On Writing’) for example;

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There’s no way around these two things that I’m aware of, no shortcut.”

This can easily translate directly into games development. In order to be a great game developer, you have to play games, immerse yourself in games and develop games. As King says, there’s no shortcuts. Sure, if you’re a lighting artist, you’re going to want to play games to see how other games handle lighting, to see if you can do better. If you’re a narrative designer, you’re going to study games of various genres and be better than them. If you’re a QA tester, you’re going to subconsciously spot bugs. We can’t make better, greater games if we don’t know what the competition is doing.

This second quote, which I think is slightly contradictory;

“I’m a slow reader, but I usually get through seventy or eighty books a year, most fiction. I don’t read in order to study the craft; I read because I like to read.”

Again, this can be translated directly to games. We all got into this industry out of passion for games. No-one in their right mind is under the impression we’re in it for the money, that’s for sure. In order to continue to make great games, we have to still enjoy playing games. No matter the reasons we play games, we can’t constantly have our ‘developer’ brains switched on when playing. That’s too much like hard work. The hard work should be spent making the games. The last thing any of us want is for our hobby to become like a chore.

* this will be updated with image credits once I’m back to a stable internet connection

Moving On: Saying Goodbye to Pawnee

They say that home is where the heart is. My heart belongs in a fictional town in an often forgotten state in a country I have never visited. Pawnee, Indiana feels as real to me as my home town. These two towns could not be more different, aside from one being fictional and the other, well, being in Wales. They have both, however, had comedy shows based on them. Pawnee being the setting of long-running, well-loved NBC show Parks and Recreation, Barry playing host to Gavin and Stacey from BBC Wales.

Parks and Recreation aired from April 9th 2009 to February 24th 2015, spanning seven seasons. Only the first two of which have ever broken onto British airwaves. But that did not stop the global reach of this show breaking down borders, breaking down walls between people. If recent events have anything to go by, making new friends is a lot easier if you have Parks and Recreation reaction gifs to hand.

I remember the week I was introduced to this show as though it was yesterday. It was the middle of August 2013. I was living, alone, in Liverpool nearly 300 miles away from home. I had just moved to this strange city, had just broken off things with a long-term partner. I had never felt more homesick. An acquaintance had mentioned this show, Parks and Recreation more than once.

Living in Liverpool was the first time I had truly moved out of my childhood home. Sure, I had just spent four hours on the south coast of England at university. But this was different. This was the big, wide world. And it was scary. One lonely night after work, I found myself pondering what to kill away the hours watching. Next thing I knew, I had consumed the entire first season of Parks and Recreation and the early morning sun was filtering through my window. I was hooked.

Before long, and coincidentally the day before the season 6 premiere, I was all caught up with the comings and goings of the realistic characters of the Parks department. The characters are more true to life than most people I know. However, I could quite easily point to people in the office and say “He’s an April” or “She’s a Leslie”. But deep down, the characters represent parts of each of us that we may not want to admit to. Personally, I very often take on board Ron’s dislike for people, April’s general hated of everything, Ben’s nerdiness, Leslie’s determination, Ann’s… Well, I think Ann Perkins is a special character.

The journeys that we have been on with this characters are deeply personal ones, sometimes even journeys of reflection and finding things in us that we never knew existed. Comedies are not made with this purpose in mind; 30 Rock is another prime example of this. Relating to these two shows is easy, both are centered around strong females who reside in predominantly male worlds. That has not stopped people of other backgrounds falling in love with these shows and their characters.

Saying goodbye to this show has been like moving out all over again. The wonders of “what will the future hold”, the anticipation, the worries. These were all respectfully handled in the finale of Parks and Recreation, which was a pure joy to watch. Just joyful, raw emotional resolutions. Hope for the future.

I hope to return home one day. I know that Pawnee, Indiana will be there waiting. With waffles.